Unrealistic expectations is something I see a lot when it comes to my clients who are struggling with perfectionism. Why is that so? Well, that’s because the desire for perfection generates unrealistic expectations and striving towards ‘perfect’ is an unrealistic goal. The notion that you're meant to perform and do things perfectly all the time is not at all realistic. When you set unrealistic goals like, putting 10 items on your to-do list that you expect to be completed in one hour, and then you don’t achieve that goal, you feel overwhelmed. Feeling overwhelmed then leads to you feeling inadequate.

Well, you are not inadequate and you are not the problem. The problem is the unrealistic expectation you have set for yourself. You might be asking "how do you know if you have unrealistic expectations?" So, let's go ahead and identify keywords that signify unrealistic expectations. 

When you use words like:

• I have to…

• All

• I must…

• …Always…

• I need to…

These keywords are inflexible words and they’re a form of black and white thinking; So for example you may think to yourself,“I have to do everything on my to do list.” Notice the words I have to and everything. Or something like, “I have to be the one who does it all because no one does it like me.” Sound familiar? These are some of the ways we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. 

Sometimes you have 10 items on your to-do list but only have time for three, or you underestimate the time it takes to get ready and then you’re always late. The goal you were setting wasn’t actually fair for yourself. 

So how do you manage unrealistic expectations? Well, first of all, you have to begin to recognize the words I mentioned above, the all, I have to, etc. Once you begin to notice these  words, you’ll want to start to replace these words with words like: 

• I would like to…

• I desire to… 

• I want to…

• …if possible…

These words I just mentioned give you more flexibility and won't make you feel so boxed in with your goals and expectations. You’ll wind up feeling less inadequate because you're giving yourself room to breathe and space for the ups and downs of real life. Because you know what? Life is always going to happen. Unexpected things come up, and if you can prepare for that and know you're capable when that arises it's so much easier and better for yourself. Once you start using those words (I would like to… I desire to… etc.) you will start to notice changes in how you feel about yourself and you’ll begin to feel less stressed. 

One way to avoid unrealistic expectations is to time yourself. See how long it actually takes you to get dressed, to talk on the phone, to clean your house, to complete a task with all those distractions vs without distractions. That will give you a better understanding on how to set realistic goals for yourself. By using these less confining words, and getting a clear focus on the reality of your time, then you will begin to understand and feel what it really means to set realistic goals for yourself. 

Looking for support with setting realistic goals for yourself and overcoming perfectionism? Grab a copy of my ebook "You're Enough: Letting go the Pressure to be Perfect. Created to  identify and understand perfectionism in your life, so that you can take back your life and successfully manage your thoughts.

More Blog Post’s you’ll enjoy 

7 Signs to Help You Identify Perfectionism in Your Life

Why We Feel the Need to Control

The Relationship Between Perfectionistic Thinking and Body Image

Relatable Podcast Episodes you’ll Enjoy from: It Didn’t Break Me Podcast

Releasing Control When You Have No Control with Jessica Stephens

"Embracing the And" with Faith Broussard Cade

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