How to Be More Confident in Who You Are and the Decisions You Make

To be fair, we could all use a little more confidence and an increased self esteem. 

Being confident about who we are and the decisions we make come hand in hand. We can’t be confident in the decisions we take when we’re feeling unsure of ourselves. And having a healthy self-esteem is important for all areas of our lives. Feeling indecisive or insecure often feels paralysing. And who likes to feel stuck? Sometimes it’s our perfectionism that holds us back from feeling confident in the decisions we make, other times it's low self-esteem, and oftentimes it’s both. But, if there ever was a time to be more confident it’s now, in this very moment. Why? Because believe it or not, our confidence directly impacts our quality of life. 

So what are ways in which you can live a more confident and courageous life? 

Let’s have a look at some practices and techniques you can apply to your day-to-day life for a sustainable confidence boost in who you are and the decisions you make. 

1. Accept the Unknown and the Uncertainty

We really jumped right in, and started with one of the seemingly more challenging steps. A part of perfectionism, or common human behaviour, is our need to feel in control of everything - all the time. When you actually think about what this entails, then you come to realise how irrational that kind of expectation is. 

A part of accepting the unknown and embracing uncertainty is letting go of trying to control the entire situation from beginning to end. 

By embracing uncertainty, we allow ourselves to make decisions without claiming we can control the entire outcome of each decision we make. It can be decisions as small as ordering from a menu, all the way to moving to a new city or country. Instead of trying to analyse all possible outcomes and possibilities, how about trying to embrace the unknown and the uncertainty, even if we feel a bit anxious? By embracing the unknown and uncertainty we can feel more confident in our decisions and yes, even who we are. 

2. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

The way we construct the characters and lifestyles of others are mostly, wait for it, yes, a figment of our imagination; they are simply our own projections. When we compare ourselves to others, we are not only belittling our own talents and strengths, but we’re making a lot of assumptions about others, that in most cases aren’t as valid as you may believe. 

It’s mostly when we compare ourselves to others that we truly feel a lack in ourselves. 

So, rather than spending time and energy wanting to be more like that person, why not replace those thought patterns with the ways you value yourself and the areas you are intelligent and unique? Because we all have beautiful strengths and talents, it’s all a matter of how much we value and acknowledge our own strengths - and only then can we really feel comfortable and confident in who we are and trust ourselves in the decisions we make. 

3. Stop Asking for Confirmation

The deeper we cascade down the indecision tunnel, the more and more we start asking others for their opinions, reassurance or confirmation. We naturally want the approval of others, because we’re social beings. When we’re faced with great life changing decisions it’s perfectly normal to ask others for advice or their opinion. Making impactful decisions can make one feel extremely anxious, that’s completely normal. 

But if we train our minds that every-time we feel anxious, the only way to alleviate that anxiety is by seeking the advice or help of others, then your brain is going to rely on the assurance of others to alleviate that anxiety. Instead of running to others when you need to make a decision, how about acknowledging the temporary anxiety that has accompanied the situation, soothe that anxiety, and then train yourself to confidently make a decision. 

And if you can’t alleviate the anxiety completely, just acknowledge that it's there, but that you can still make a decision. This way you are training your brain to understand that anxiety isn’t a barrier to decision making. Over time you will build more and more confidence, feeling less and less anxious when it comes to making important and minor decisions. 

5. Practice Mindfulness and Trust

When we get trapped in the loop of indecision, or self doubt, we aren’t trusting ourselves and our ability to make the best decision for ourselves. Instead of getting lost in the anxiety of indecision, how about trying to ground yourself in the moment? 

Practicing mindfulness can help us feel less overwhelmed by situations, will help guide us to methods in which we can soothe our anxiety, and can help us make more confident decisions.

Give yourself some time to breathe deeply, practice feeling yourself in your body, in what feels like a calm body, and once you feel secure and grounded in yourself, you will feel more ready and confident to make decisions. 

The more you train yourself, the more natural this behaviour will be. 

In the beginning it may feel unnatural to you to practice mindfulness, being present in your body and in your environment, but every-time it will help you in more than just self confidence and decision making. Growth is endless. 

Last Thoughts

Confidence isn’t something you're just born with. We are all capable of living confidently and have the skills to make the best decisions for ourselves. Don’t undermine your own wisdom and intuition. You are the only one who really knows what’s best for you. Trust yourself, trust the decisions you make, and be open to the effort it takes to sharpen your skills for a more confident, more grounded self.

Ready to start building your confidence?

Affirmations done in the MIRROR are a powerful way to reinforce self acceptance. Click Here to get your FREE "Mirror Affirmations" to help you start feeling confident and believe YOU ARE ENOUGH!

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Relatable Podcast Episodes you’ll Enjoy from: It Didn’t Break Me Podcast

Choosing to Put Yourself First with Martha Mok

Trusting Yourself after Trauma with Elizabeth Cush

Being Single and Alone Didn’t Break Me with Nausheen Farishta

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