Setting healthy boundaries for oneself might be the most important ingredients for living a healthier and more fulfilling life.

No matter what age you are, establishing clear boundaries for yourself is essential for your own emotional and mental health and development. Setting clear boundaries for yourself is not just about your relationship with yourself, but is also crucial for your relationship with others, whether it’s your boss or your romantic partner.

Establishing healthy boundaries starts within yourself. And only from within our strong inner-selves do we learn to mirror those boundaries outward. In this article we will discuss, what we believe, are healthy boundaries, how you can set them for yourself, and why boundaries are important for your own evolution as a confident and beautiful human being. 

How setting boundaries is a crucial ingredient for self-care

When we learn to set boundaries for ourselves then we learn to reduce and avoid situations which make us feel overwhelmed and anxious. Setting boundaries for ourselves is a way for us to admit and define our own personal, emotional and physical limitations. Though pushing our limits can lead to healthy results with something like physical exercise, it can also lead to injury and long term damage. There is extending and expanding our limits, and then there is pushing beyond our limits to an unhealthy breaking point. 

When we draw clear lines for ourselves we are easily able to identify what we feel comfortable with and what we do not. In terms of establishing our own identity, these lines help us understand who we truly are, as opposed to external ideas or expectations that are being imposed on us. And most importantly, setting boundaries helps us understand our own needs and protects us from harm - on all levels. When we are completely without boundaries we lose sense of ourselves and who we are. 

Setting boundaries helps us be more genuine to ourselves and to others. When we are more genuine to ourselves and others, our feelings and behaviors guide us to a more authentic self, a self we feel good in. 

How can you go about setting boundaries that are right for you?

Here are four ways that can help you establish healthy boundaries for yourself. 

Ask Questions: A great place to start is by learning to ask yourself certain questions and articulating, or writing down those answers. In situations where you feel frustrated, anguished or overwhelmed, ask yourself how you are feeling. Ask yourself why you are feeling this way and then ask yourself what you can do to make yourself feel safer and nourished. 

Physical Boundaries: Listen to what your body is telling you. If something makes you flinch, or pull back, follow that instinct. For each superficial and deep relationship in your life, ask yourself what physical situations make you feel uncomfortable. Your body, privacy and personal space are a part of your physical boundaries. You decide how someone can touch you, how often, what you don’t like, and what you want to reveal to others and what you want to keep for yourself. That is your right. 

Practice Saying No: This is a big one. A very big one. If you feel like you’re often bending over backwards for others, doing things for others you actually don’t want to be doing, then you are not being true to yourself, or the relationship. Guilt is not a genuine reason to do something. Too many of us are people-pleasers and just simply do not know how to say no, or are too afraid to say no out of a fear of rejection, or displeasing others. Learn to say no. And learn to say no without providing an excuse. Just a simple no, sorry I can’t, or no thank you, is really more than enough! Those trailing excuses usually lead to feelings of guilt or regret. Practicing to say no in small situations prepares you for saying no in more challenging situations. 

Acknowledging Toxic, or Potentially Toxic Relationships: Sometimes us people-pleasers are prey (subconsciously) to those who want to take without return. If you are involved in a relationship that makes you feel guilty, ashamed, unseen, unheard, under-valued, or any other personal negative feeling, then it’s time to take a break. Give yourself some space and reevaluate the dynamics of your relationships. 

Ask yourself how those dichotomies arrived, why you allow yourself to be treated that way and if you think there is space for you to grow and evolve in this relationship, or not. If this is a relationship that makes you feel small and insignificant, then it’s probably one that is overstepping your safety boundaries. Your well-being is invaluable. It is not selfish or wrong to put your own well being first. Healthy relationships are fulfilling relationships that make you feel nourished, and not depleted. 

What do healthy boundaries look and feel like?

In the beginning when we start to rewire the way we do things, we may feel a sense of guilt or betrayal. In these moments it’s important to remind ourselves what we are doing and why we are doing it. Articulating to yourself something like, “I feel uncomfortable right now because I’m not used to saying no, but I am doing this as a way to take care of myself.” Or whatever sentence or wording resonates with you. Healthy boundaries make you feel empowered and confident that you are doing what's best for you and that you know what is best for you. Healthy boundaries are when you feel and own your own life choices on all levels and aren’t doing things according to what others want or expect from you. Healthy boundaries are when we take responsibility for our own needs and nourishment. 

Visualize what you would look and feel like with a strong set of healthy boundaries. If writing helps you visualize and concretize your goals, then write out the areas in your life in which you would like to strengthen your boundaries. Don't let go of these visions, they are your guiding force through the challenging times life throws at us. 

Final thoughts on establishing personal boundaries

Setting boundaries is a process that involves work, commitment and attention. When making important changes in our lives we need to learn to be gentle and kind to ourselves. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is the key ingredient to living a healthier and more fulfilling life. It’s important to share your boundaries with those who you feel safe around and to those who may be crossing the line, making you feel threatened or imposing on your own sense of well being.

Do this for yourself. Please take care of yourself. Take those small steps from one day to the next, to make adjustments and live your true self. This way, you will not only attract others who will treat you with love and care, but your existing relationships may also evolve into more fulfilling and rich relationships. 

I have created a "Free Guide to Setting Healthy Boundaries”. Hopefully this will be helpful to you, so you can adapt it to your needs, create and implement your own boundaries plan. 

More Blog Post’s you’ll Enjoy

How to Move Beyond Shame and Guilt

How to Not Feel Guilty and Ashamed Because You Can Not Please Everyone All the Time

What is the Root Cause of People Pleasing?

Relatable Podcast Episodes you’ll Enjoy from: It Didn’t Break Me Podcast

Breaking Free from Approval Addiction with Kimberly Valerie

Choosing to put Yourself First with Martha Mok

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