Living with Genital Herpes: A Black Woman's Story
I’m sharing my personal story about my experiences with genital herpes, because I think it’s one of the many things we all need to learn the language to talk about.
My work involves opening up safe spaces for myself and my clients - spaces where we can share deeply personal experiences without guilt or shame. My personal journey with genital herpes is a story I want to share with you because, one, keeping this to myself is a lot of weight to carry all on my own, and because as I am working on vulnerability and authenticity, this topic really hits close to home. I want to be a part of breaking the stigma against genital herpes and educate others about it too, so that we can all be a little less ashamed or ignorant regarding this subject that affects so very many of us.
Some Facts About Genital Herpes
Cold sores and shingles are a form of herpes
You can experience sores and breakouts around your genitals
There are more than 3 million cases of herpes in the US per year
CDC says genital herpes is a common STD and most people with it do not know they have it
You have to request a test to find out if you have it because many people are asymptomatic
Women are not the only one’s dealing with genital herpes, men are too, even if the stigma for women seems more severe.
What was my Reaction when I first found out I had Genital Herpes
When I first found out I might have genital herpes in my 20’s, it wasn’t all that clear, so instead of investigating further, I chose not to, which in hindsight, I realized was my way of denying it. The possibility did weigh heavily on me, even though at the time I didn’t have any outbreaks. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, I was afraid of being seen as ‘dirty,’ and I was terrified that it would put me at risk of rejection if I would tell romantic partners. I was wrapped up in fear, so why would I tell anyone? And so for about 5 years, I didn’t tell anyone.
Years later I went to a dermatologist for something else and had the doctor look at it and that’s when I had it confirmed.
How I started Telling Others
I’m just not the type of person who can keep these types of things to myself. And as I mentioned, it was really weighing heavy on my conscience. After first sharing with a friend, I built up the courage to call up some people I had been intimate with to let them know. Some of them were really angry with me, some were devastated, others asked a lot of questions, which at first I didn’t have all the answers to, but surprisingly those who I did speak to all forgave me.
Early on, when I did tell partners before having sex about my genital herpes, there were some who didn’t want to sleep with me and I felt hurt, dirty, unlovable and worthless. But that was before I learned how to take my power back and where my self respect lies. Others said it was okay, and all those reactions helped me along the way.
How I Found the Strength to Break my Silence
Having genital herpes highlighted my insecurities. You can really do a lot of inner work and personal work after being diagnosed with something as stigmatized as genital herpes. I have always valued honesty, integrity, and consideration and at that time I needed to find a way to be true to myself and my values. I really got to work. I faced a lot of parts of myself that weren’t easy to face. I pushed through the challenging times, and all this inner work I did over the years is what gave me the courage to really share my story with others.
I knew years ago there would come a time where I would share this story with others, because God had put it in my heart to share my story. At that time in my life I thought sharing with others was a crazy idea (sorry God)
However, the belief and confidence in who I am, seeing others share their stories, and remembering what God had said, has helped me share my story with the world. I don’t want people to feel alone in this, because I know how I felt and how long it took me to get to the place where I am now. Since sharing my story a lot of people, strangers and those close to me, have reached out thanking me for sharing. Our stories have the power to strengthen others in times of need.
To hear more about my story on genital herpes and how I found the courage to share it with sexual partners, close friends, and yes, even the world, you can have a listen on my podcast It Didn’t Break Me.
As always, please reach out to me if you have any questions or concerns about your own personal story. I’d love to help in any way I can.
More Blog Post’s you’ll Enjoy
The Beauty of our Imperfections
5 Steps to Accept who you are Today
Relatable Podcast Episodes you’ll Enjoy from: It Didn’t Break Me Podcast
Challenging Stigmas Through our Stories
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