The Key to Overcoming Perfectionism
Overcoming perfectionism starts with awareness.
Living with perfectionistic thoughts and behaviors has its limit and breaking point. When you finally arrive at the point where you realize the goals and standards you set for yourself are far too high and therefore, unrealistic and achievable, the question then follows, what now? If you know you have perfectionistic tendencies and are finally ready to ground yourself into more realistic goals and expectations, then the first and foremost place to start is with awareness.
Being Aware of Who You Are and the Life You Want
Awareness has many different flavors and textures. Meaning, it’s a massive umbrella with lots of room for all the time and space one can imagine.
One level of awareness involves having a really good look at the person you are and the life you’re living, compared to your dream life and your dream self. Is your dream to be admired and appreciated by others, or is it your dream to feel good about who you are and feel genuinely proud of the things you’ve done? Whether it’s having cleaned the kitchen (ie taking care of your living space), or having successfully expanded your own business?
Do you want to be someone who stressfully powers through your yoga or exercise to check it off your list, or do you want to be someone who loves and enjoys taking care of your own needs and your health? How we go through the motions of our daily activities greatly impacts how we feel about ourselves and our daily achievements.
Be Present in the Process
In many cases, our drive for perfectionism takes us out of the process and keeps us focused on the future goal. Usually when we behave and live this way we are not enjoying, but rather, we are struggling and in some cases, suffering. No one is belittling working hard, but how about appreciating the fact that you are working hard, that you’re doing your best in the present moment and trusting in the outcome of your labor?
Awareness of What You Have Achieved
Many of us who struggle with perfectionistic thoughts, focus on the weak areas, the places we missed, the ways we messed up or the things we ‘could have said or done.’ But focusing on the things we may have done ‘wrong’ is a choice. We choose to focus on the negative, what we call mistakes or failures. But we can also choose to focus on the areas we’ve succeeded and the areas that deserve celebration.
When we channel a level of awareness, we can catch ourselves in that negative thought pattern we tend to lean oh so heavily on, ie ‘I’m so ashamed of the work or effort I put into that [insert here wherever you usually choose to see failures].’ And instead of the usual self-reproach, we can replace that voice with a more compassionate and generous voice. One that cares about your well-being, your time and your effort. Because, yes, we can choose to be sweet and kind to ourselves, and yes we can be proud of what we have achieved.
Being Aware of the Costs vs the Benefits
When you reflect on the areas in your life where your perfectionistic voice is most confident, like in your (in)ability to be the perfect mother/father, friend, daughter/son or colleague - do the cost of those perfectionistic thoughts outweigh the benefits? Has the drive to be perfect at whatever area you are focused on (or all areas) been taxing on your quality of life, or has it been improving your true quality of life?
Being aware of how taxing the costs of perfectionism can be, can help you during the times where your ‘inner critic’ tells you how incompetent, ugly, shameful you ‘are.’
Being aware when that inner critic speaks up, and learning to integrate a healthy and compassionate response to that inner critic because of how little you’ve benefited from that constant voice, can help encourage your motivation to be okay with who you are, and who knows, maybe even love the person you are today and the things you have and can achieve?
Remember, that awareness umbrella is wide open, and ready for you at any moment! And, please don’t be afraid to talk to someone about the ways you feel, or the pressure you may be putting on yourself. You’ll be surprised how many people can relate to those feelings and what kind of nurturing advice others can provide
Are you ready to identify and understand perfectionism so that you can take back your life, successfully manage and put a cap on the language of not enough? If that's a resounding yes, grab your copy of my ebook You're Enough: Letting Go the Pressure to be Perfect.
More Blog Post’s you’ll Enjoy
7 Signs to Help You Identify Perfectionism in your Life
Overcoming the Belief I am A Failure
How to Move Beyond Shame and Guilt
Relatable Podcast Episodes you’ll Enjoy from: It Didn’t Break Me Podcast
Breaking Free from Approval Addiction with Kimberly Valerie
Breaking the Idea of Being A Strong Black Woman with Cafria Hart
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