Money is a difficult topic for just about everyone. 

Whether you’re dealing with your perfectionistic ways of thinking, or if you’re simply trying to figure out a healthy relationship with your wallet, the whole money dynamic can feel confusing and overwhelming. In this article we’ll explore some techniques for understanding our relationship with money and how to slowly build a more harmonious relationship with how we budget and spend.  

How Do We Perceive and Approach Money?

Do you feel like you splurge too often and have trouble meeting your spending/saving goals? Or do you restrict yourself from buying things you may want or need because you have trouble spending money on yourself? And is there really a healthy territory in between?

Money is an important part of our daily lives, yet many of us have trouble finding a healthy and balanced relationship with the way we spend and the way we save. What’s even more is that we think there must be a right way and a wrong way to spend and save. And when we think like this, and when we tend to think through the lense of perfectionism, things could feel even more confusing and debilitating. 

Money, in many ways, is closely tied to our desires and our fears, which is a part of what can make it feel so confused and overwhelmed. It’s also how our perfectionistic thoughts can take over and criticize the ways we spend or save. Either we’re hard on ourselves for spending too much, and spending in an out-of-control way, and then feeling guilty about it, or we restrict and resist trying to control how we spend in quite a severe manner. 

So for starters, really take a moment to consider how you approach money matters and how you perceive money. What does money represent to you? Is it a means of buying what you need or does it represent your self worth and your value?

Letting Go of our Fears and Guilt

This is one of the most challenging layers that are embedded in our relationship with money. It’s really helpful to identify for yourself what money does for you; how it enriches your life and your living; The ways you enjoy and benefit from money. 

And then, you can write down all your personal fears that come up in relation to money, and compare the two lists. 

Some fears and guilty feelings many of us have are:

1. “If I don’t make more money and save my money I won’t have enough for the future…”

2. “I need more money to buy more clothing, accessories, the newest smartphone, laptop, tablet - because these objects make me feel happy when I am feeling bad about myself. Or, when I have more valuable objects people will value me more…”

3. “I want XYZ, but I won’t buy it for myself because I don’t need it and I shouldn’t spend my money irresponsibly…”

4. “I’m terrible at budgeting, I can’t do anything right…”

5. “I need to spend exactly what I’ve budgeted for myself otherwise I’m a failure…”

And the list goes on. 

Write it Out

Write out your own personal fears and guilty feelings that arise around spending and saving money over the next few weeks. This part is challenging and will take a lot of time, effort and honesty. But it’s important for us to explore our deeper feelings connected to money in order to understand why we respond or react to budgeting (spending, splurging) the way we do. 

It will also give you some clarity on which of your fears may be irrational, debilitating or unhealthy. 

Talk it Out

It is important that you find someone to talk to about this. Many of us are ashamed to discuss money with others, but we all have a relationship with money, and it’s important to get some professional guidance on such a complex subject. Because yes, our relationship with money is complex. 

Do You Procrastinate or Push Off Money Issues or Financial Responsibilities?

Pushing off money responsibilities or issues can also be a sign of perfectionism. It’s a sign that certain issues might feel overwhelming for you. You may convince yourself that you make the same mistakes over and over again and you’re never going to learn. Or that you can’t control your finances, so you avoid dealing with it for as long as possible. 

Many people feel this way and react to their finances in complex and complicated ways. If you think you’re ready for it, take a few deep breaths until you feel less overwhelmed and more calm about whatever issue you need to confront. 

Pay attention to how your body responds to your financial responsibilities. If your heart rate increases, you feel a shortness of breath, and you’re feeling anxious - it’s time to ground yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Seek advice from a professional, or ask someone you trust or admire. Their insight may help you feel less overwhelmed and anxious. 

Set Aside Time to Review and Confront

Can you set aside just 1-2 hours, once a week to reflect on how you approach and perceive money? 

Write down some solutions on how you think you can approach money from a calm and grounded angle. Write down some solutions to any money issues you may have, and write down ways you can slowly and carefully follow through with your goals and the steps you need to take to get there. 

If you have any questions or concerns about how you approach money, then please reach out and express your fears or worries. This is a community, and a part of community building is reaching out for help when needed, and receiving that guidance whenever needed.

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Overcoming the Belief I am A Failure

How to Move Beyond Shame and Guilt

Relatable Podcast Episodes you’ll Enjoy from: It Didn’t Break Me Podcast

Choosing to Really Trust God with Robert McNair

From Surviving to Thriving After a Tragic Loss with Falon Bonner

"Embracing the And" with Faith Broussard Cade

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