If you’re struggling with perfectionism, or think of yourself as a perfectionist, then this one’s for you.

There are incredibly important and valuable differences between perfectionism and perfectionist, but what are they exactly? And how do these differences affect our sense of self? Well, let’s first start with how we choose to define our sense of self. Many of us define ourselves, or see ourselves through what we do, what we’ve accomplished, or how we’ve failed. But what if our identity is actually who we are and not what we do? 

Our identity is made up of our multiple characteristics, which in essence, make up who we are, make up our personality and our nature. What we do and the roles we fill, are aspects of our everyday lives, but not intrinsically built into our actual character. So what does this have to do with the terms: Perfectionism vs Perfectionist? 

Let’s dig a little deeper. 

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is when we find ourselves thinking in all-or-nothing terms. And if and when we don’t reach our ideal goal, we see that as a failure. This means, nearly everything we do is scented with our failures. 

Perfectionism is also when we’re highly self critical, we tend to have unrealistic standards, we’re terribly afraid and are (ironically enough) driven by our fear of failure. And very often, our perfectionism is debilitating and prevents us from taking action. 

So what’s at the root of perfectionism?

Perfectionism is in all likelihood a response to trauma. Many of us use perfectionism to protect ourselves from being harmed in some way. We use our perfectionism as a way to steer ourselves away from failures, and from getting rejected. Because we tell (or sell) ourselves the narrative, if we do the job perfectly, we won’t get fired, be disliked, get broken-up with, or disappoint others. 

We often use our perfectionism to avoid experiencing shame. Our perfectionism can manifest in our work, in our school work, in our parenting, in our relationships, with money, sex, you name it, perfectionism can materialize. 

Perfectionism Vs Perfectionist

The term ‘perfectionism’ is not the same as ‘perfectionist’ in our book. Differentiating between the two can make a world of a difference for our sense of self, and how we approach both our strengths and our weaknesses. 

Perfectionism does not encompass all those categories of ‘self,’ whereas ‘perfectionist’ encompasses our entire sense of being, who I am, all of me. The term ‘perfectionism’ gives us the space to identify a part of our personality with the way we do things and the way we think, but it helps us avoid defining our whole selves through that lens of perfectionist, this is me, this is everything that I am. 

The statement: I am a perfectionist, is declarative and final. We are saying it's our whole being, and it defines our whole sense of self.

Whereas saying something like, perfectionism is a part of my personality, it’s something I’m dealing with, or working with. Or, I struggle with perfectionism, or I am struggling with perfectionism at the moment, doesn’t that make it feel so much lighter? This approach to our perfectionism has less weight, and gives us a stronger sense of freedom. It's out there, it's outside of us, rather than it being everywhere we go and a part of everything we do. 

Using the term perfectionism, as something that is outside of us, and not something that defines us, makes it a lot less overwhelming. Makes it a lot less final. It allows us to navigate that aspect of our personalities from a safer, less anxious and stressful angle. 

Takeaway

The final takeaway: the words we use matter. They have an effect on us, on how we see ourselves, how we want to be seen by others, and how we see others. The words we use can make our situation feel stressful, or manageable; something we can deal with and something we can talk about. Seeing perfectionism as something we are dealing with makes it a lot less stressful and frightening. 

Of course you can use the word perfectionist, but how about seeing how your perspective and your approach changes by alternating the language a bit and using the term perfectionism? How about using the term perfectionism as something you're dealing with, and see how that changes your approach, your sense of self, and how you do things in your everyday life. 

More Blog Post’s you’ll Enjoy

Overcoming the Belief I am A Failure

How to Move Beyond Shame and Guilt

The Key to Overcoming Perfectionism

Relatable Podcast Episodes you’ll Enjoy from: It Didn’t Break Me Podcast

Breaking Free from Approval Addiction with Kimberly Valerie

"Embracing the And" with Faith Broussard Cade

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